Gerald's Story

Caregiving was never part of Gerald’s plan, as he doesn’t have kids of his own. Yet, Gerald took in his younger brother’s son, a 25-year-old with autism and OCD for the past 8 years; and now regards him as his own son.

At 16 while preparing for his O-Level, a bullying incident in school left Gerald’s nephew withdrawn and unwilling to attend classes. When he told his parents he did not want to return to school, they were at a loss - causing Gerald to step in to help coordinate matters. At the same time, Gerald had intentions to leave his job as a senior manager and started to care for his nephew full-time.

Earning his nephew’s trust, he then guided him through O-Levels as a private candidate. A bright student, he did well in school.

The more serious challenges began at 18 when his nephew was harassed by an older man when selling a pair of shoes. The buyer shortchanged him, causing his nephew to become anxious and go up and down on the lift repeatedly. The older man then threatened his nephew and called him names. This incident triggered emotional outbursts and insomnia, eventually leading his nephew to seek psychological help.

In subsequent months, obsessive hand washing and running away became common. As part of recovery, Gerald often takes his nephew on short trips to Johor Bahru for a change of environment. Once, the crowd triggered his nephew, and he bolted, leaving Gerald desperately chasing after him. Later, his nephew also admitted he had suicide ideation, and soon, he was admitted to the Institute of Mental Health (IMH).

This marked the start of Gerald’s deeper involvement as a caregiver, as his nephew moved in with him permanently. Not knowing how his nephew might react at times, he also became more anxious and impatient. With encouragement from his sister Ivy, who works at Mindfull Community, Gerald joined our Caregivers-to-Caregivers (C2C) education programme this year.

Gerald learnt practical skills - such as monitoring medication timing and improving communication - that helped him manage better. Best of all, he felt less alone, as he found a community of caregivers to walk alongside. His nephew’s symptoms also started to get better, and he is more independent now.

When asked why he shouldered the responsibility of caregiving, he said, “I could use my money to buy expensive things, but what difference to my life does that make?”. He said that this journey has transformed him - teaching him resilience, patience, and empathy. Looking ahead, Gerald hopes to build a career in healthcare or caregiving, aligning his professional path with the lessons his nephew has given him.